What does it mean to
"Walk Like A Man?
"Walk Like A Man?
I'm trying to understand the views of different men of all kinds on the subject of masculinity.
I am doing this for two purposes: to explore it in general, and to give me some feed back in writing a novel.
I start by asking you all to contribute an answer to a question. My main character, a thirteen year old boy who's voice has not yet begun tho change (and if you remember back to those days, that means he has not yet had any other body changes to "make him a man") has just lost both of his elderly parents. His father had had a series of strokes over the previous two years, but before he died, his father clearly said to him three times, in three different ways: "Walk like a man." Having moved from his small home town to live with his his much older half-brother in New York, our young man is now left with the task of understanding his father's death bed instructions, and seeks out answers from both adults and other teenagers. What would you advise him? Tell us a little about yourself: age, class, gender identity, sexuality, relationship status, how you define your own masculinity, etc. It would help me understand with which kind of character to use your words or concepts.
(Before I am accused of being sexist, I AM interested in the opinions and feelings of women and adolescent females, too - there are such characters in the book, too. He has three older half-sisters, and makes female friend in his new school. They will be giving him advise, too.)
Ike
a 59 year old hyper masculine disabled gay "bear" in a 28 year monogamous relationship, who grew up working class/blue collar. I went to college and eventually became a social worker, but still has some very blue collar attitudes.
(see how easy that is?)
I am of the same geration as you, Ike (2 years older), and apparently a similar background - redneck Southern boy who had a family with a pround military history who did NOT blindly support Virtnam, and whipped my ass (literaly)to get good enoughy] grades to get a scholarship that took me from the hills to the city and avoid the draft. Did the same to my 2 brotherts. One was stubbonrn enough to decide to eblist in the Marines anyway, and is still MIA.
ReplyDeleteI can still slip into the old accent,posture and attitudes with ease - very popular in bars when I pass my self off as a real hayseed tough redneck. Shocks the hell out of the guy when I list my legs the next morning to "return the favor" - most are conmvinced, without myever saying anyting, that i was stright "trade".
I suspect that you and I share the same confusion about what makes man "masculine". We grew up on JOhn Wayne and the 1950's conformist western ideal. Anne ever notice the lack of females in most of those flickes? Who were most of thise guys supposed to be mating with - their horse?
Discovering Tom of Finland made me discover that I was not the only one in the world that had an overly exagerrated ideal of manhood. I knew that these men were physically impossible, (This hillbilly was already pre-med) but it didn't stop me from droling like a 14 year old with his first porn magazine at those drawings and his Kake books. Hell, I still do!
I hope you et around to discussing images of malehood in American culture, Ike. Should prove interesting.
Doc.
Doc here - forgot to add what Ike asked for:
ReplyDeleteAge: almost 62
Class: Born - dirt poor redneck farmer
college educated MD
the tough redneck is still dominant in
the back of my head.
Divorced, with 2 adult sons, one of them gay, and a daughter (no daddy ever admits his little girl is an adult, but she's 28!)
I took me until I was almost 30 to accept that those drunken escapades with other men, and my frequent visits to truck stops to kneel and worship the truck drivers meant I was NOT straight, but the fact that my daughter is NOT with my wife means I'm not totally GAY either.
I avoid definitions, but when a shotgun is held to my head, I will say I am bisexual, but primarily prefer to spend my time with masculine men - what we do is not as important as the fact that they are manly. This goes for my straight male buddies as well as my gay ones.
Not that I am totally a victim of roles. I have a straight buddy who I went to High School with, so had the same upbringing I did - came to the city for work, and married "above himself" a bit, and her dad hired him to be foreman of his factory. He and I have one activity that we keep secret from our other buddies - we go to the opera.
I have three gay buddies who were brought up city "sissys" who I have turned into hunters/fisherman. One of them is a male model; another is (believe it or not)an interior decorator). We gat out to the country, and we automatically begin to compete to be the Alpha Male, even though we 4 have stopped having sex together years ago. They are polite stereotypical gay clones in the city, but when we get to my cabin, they become crude, blood hungry and very competitive. They would never think to do it at home, but there is at least one fist fight every time we go to the cabin. Often there is a free for all brawl just for the fun of it. (And yes - this old fart is in there swinging with men 15 - 25 years younger than me and often wins!)
We often bring along other gay men to initiate them into these masculine activities (trying to avoid the fistfights) About half of them loathe it, the other half ask to be invited back at least for the masculine companionship and atmosphere. To the horror of his vegetarian lover, my gay son is one of the ones who likes to hang out with us and hunt, and has learned to fight, by the way. Knocked his old man out the last time, and didn't stop boasting about it for weeks.
I have one girlfriend who is a better shot than I am - and I'm pretty damned good. I call her Annie Oakley and she loves it. But when we're alone in bed, she's as gentle and ladylike as you can imagine. Actually submissive.
I have another girlfrriend who is a college professor and appears to be almost Victorian in her behavior - until we get in bed. Then she is the most demanding sex partner of my life, and has a vocabulary which makes ME blush at times. And I pride myself on my foul mouth.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you cannot judge a book by it's cover - or who it sleeps with.
As to HOW I walk like a man? Well - with a limp, now that I'm getting a bit of arthritis!
Doc